Last September, God allowed me to travel to Kenya with an amazing group of people from The Village Church. It was those two weeks that a dream I've had for 6 or 7 years finally came true. Through this trip, God got a hold of me. When getting back to the states, there was not one day that went by that I didn't think about what life was like outside of the US. It is a world that many Americans will never experience and never fully understand. It is crazy to think that more of the world lives like people in Kenya then people in the US. I am grateful for the "things" of the United States, but also grateful for the "nothings" of a third world country. I have seen, but not experienced, what it is like to have nothing and still be whole-heartedly be in love with God. This is something that I long for more now than ever.
As I got back, I began to pray and ask myself "Am I really doing all I can for the glory of God?" I didn't know how to answer, but felt like there was something out there - something to pursue hard after - not knowing what that was. Later, I developed two pictures in my mind: 1. God and me staring at each other face to face and looking square in the eyes of one another and 2. This teeny tiny Lindsey standing in the almighty, powerful, huge palms of God. I also began to talk with Julie Mendonsa about the thought of coming there summer of 2011, not really feeling God was leading me in a certain direction, but just felt we should be praying. As the new year rolled around, I felt like God told me to work on three things: 1. Becoming a woman of prayer 2. Being a servant for Him and 3. Increasing my faith in Him.
As time went on, I went back and forth with the idea of having to quit my job as Assistant Camp Director at a camp for children and adults with special needs (my passion). There were days when I felt like God said yes and there were days when I felt like He said no. I fasted, prayed face flat on the floor. One day, I sat in my living room with several things going on around me and I saw a short clip of my trip that September and felt an immediate overwhelming sense of peace. That's when I knew what I had to do next.
I put my notice in about a week and a half to two weeks later - scared as all get out, by scared I mean, the thought of not having a job upon return and scared of losing the campers. I have never felt more like this wasn't a choice of "What was better - Kenya or camp?", but "Who is better than both Kenya and camp?" One person said "You've just gotten over one of the hardest mountains and there will be more that you will have to climb before your time comes to leave." I will be honest in saying, I thought the resignation conversation was going to be the hardest part, but it wasn't. Since the conversation, my grandfather has had three surgeries: 1. Triple bypass 2. infection that was pretty severe because of his coughing ripping up his sternum and 3. Repair surgery of his sternum, which should actually say "the removing" of his sternum. While in Florida for his surgery, found out my step-mother, who had breast cancer was sent home because she was doing so well. What the doctors did not know at the time was that her breast cancer had turned into brain cancer and had to have emergency surgery the day we were flying back from Florida. As I watched my father, a man who wasn't really there for his children, love this woman as she was hurting - I knew that this was completely about his heart with the Lord. Shortly after things somewhat hit a plateau something else would come up - another one being, having to deal with some false religion in my family and how satan can hide so easily, even for Christians to get confused as to what God is saying. This is very vague, but was a pretty hurtful situation.
As I have watched life unfold over the past two and a half months, I have never felt more like Satan was trying to gain control of something in my life. I've had to completely make myself stop thinking about what these people were feeling and look directly at what God was doing through this time in me. It was increasing my faith, getting me to pray like I never really had before, and forcing me to stare directly into God's eyes and trust. These situations have so many little details, some instances where there was no explanation other than the real presence of the Lord, which I had never felt.
All this to say, this blog is for what life will look like within the next 3 months as I prepare to go to Kenya for a couple of months, and what happens while I am there. I am very ready to go see what God has, because I know it is soo good and soo sweet because Satan is trying hard to keep me from it.
Thank you and I look forward to God's plan unfolding.
Much Love,
Lindsey
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