I have not updated this blog since the excitement of the documentary began, so here I am trying to attempt to put into words what God has done since October 7, 2011. Much has happened since this time: I began subbing, I went to India (a whole other blog at some point, maybe), my sister graduated from grad school and got engaged, and I have finally gotten to the place where God wanted me to be, which is what this blog will be mostly about.
On January 27, 2011 a little boy named Joshua was taken to his new home to begin the rest of his life at Naomi’s Village. This was unknowingly the same day that I, thousands of miles away, put in my resignation at work to go to this place called Naomi’s Village. On this day I was very aware of the fact that God was going to move in mighty ways in my heart because of the kids, because of the people in Kenya, and because He was bringing me to a place where I could begin to truly submit my life to Him. I knew great things would happen in Kenya, but I always felt like that wasn’t the “big thing” God was going to do. In ONLY obedience to God did I even come back from Kenya, because more than anything then I wanted to stay, but again was reminded that I had to come back for reasons only to be revealed. Life was good when returning. I was happy. I didn’t have any ties to a job, I was doing well financially, I was somewhat just cruising through life – all the while knowing that God was getting me ready for something. In November, I went to India and began subbing – something in which I have really come to enjoy aside from the fact that it is tough to be tough all the time because every day is literally a brand new day. New kids. New school. (typically) I can be a new face to kids each and every single day with little time to really build a relationship with the students, which has been the most difficult for me. The reality of subbing has been a confidence builder because other teachers and staff do recognize that I am good with kids. It has also been a pride buster – because I am aware that I do work well with kids, yet sometimes (rarely) I feel as if I am a little babied because I am “just a sub”. But, it is all how the process works. I am gaining experience and tomorrow will mark the day that I have officially taught every single grade K – 12. I have enjoyed the grades, but hold a special place in my heart for Kindergarten & 1st grade teachers (NOT FOR ME). I love them and think they are cute and love to have them for 45 minutes in PE, but I could not ever see myself teaching those grades. I actually find this quite funny because I could spend all day with this age group if they had disabilities, but NOPE – not the “normal” ones! Haha
Anyway, over Christmas I came to the point in which I felt I had finally reached that mountain where God was ever so patiently waiting for me to come to. We had just gotten finished looking at my sisters wedding chapel and were on the way home. I decided to call the bank to see how much money I had left shockingly there was only $27 in my account. Since I was 15 years old I’ve had a job making some money and especially since graduating from college I had not really ever had to think about where I was spending my money – out to eat – movies - …. Whatever it was, I’ve never really liked just blowing money on silly things, but never worried about running out. But for the very first time, I personally felt the weight of financial stress. The great thing: I also knew that for some strange reason – that is the point where God wanted me since January 27. That was one of the main reasons I had to be obedient to return from Kenya. I can’t fully explain in words the faithfulness I felt and confidence I felt in God. Since then He has provided and I have seen people freely give because Christ gave to them. This isn’t the easiest time in my life, but I wonder if my life were so ‘easy’ if I would be even be striving so hard to get things accomplished that I’ve felt called to do. The only reason right now I want to make money is to pay bills, have the necessities, and live comfortably. I would not care if I made one cent as long as everything was paid off and I was fed. I am reminded daily of people all over the world that don’t even have that chance. They have no opportunity to even think about making a whole $76 a day, much less that in a full month. Last night I was able to sit with the Mendonsas, who I can’t describe the amount of love & respect my heart truly has for them. (I tear up even just typing that) Julie mentioned persevering through the tough times and the times that maybe are a little mundane because it truly makes you appreciate the celebrations God gives you. This is one of those times where I know that God has me in His hands, and that is all I can ask for. There is, or should I say I feel a new refreshed need for Him, which is something I’ve prayed for for a while now. I’ve seen this picture of God and me a couple of years now where God has had me by the shirt staring at me square in the eyes … and finally FINALLY, because of Him, I am able to slowly surrender and say “Ok, God, You can take control and I don’t want to fight selfishly anymore. This life is Yours – not mine, so whatever You want is what I want.” That in itself is tough because I know I am human and I will want the opposite of Him at times, but I pray that my heart begins to fully want His will. At this point in my life, I could not ask to be in a better place, even if it is as “just a substitute” teacher that makes hardly any money. I may not have a nice bank account right now, but I have a God that loves me, who is patient, faithful, and is holding me in His arms and growing me into the woman I want to be. Without the events of last year, this may not have happened. Even though it has been awhile without my camp job, I think about the decision each and every single day. I miss camp – the people, but would not change anything because I am finally being broken in ways Ive needed for years now.
I have no idea what God has in store for this year, but I pray that I do get to continue to travel to a couple more countries and search for stories for the documentary to help people with disabilities.
Again, God speaks to me through music and I just got the guitar chords to a song and could barely make it through the song without crying. The words are from an old hymn and was rewritten by some people at my church:
Weary.burdened.wand’rer
There.is.rest.....for.thee
At.the.feet.of.Jesus
In.His.love.....so..free.
Listen.to.His.message
Words.of.life,.forever.blest
Oh,.thou.heavy.laden
“Come.to.Me,.come.and.rest.”
Chorus
There.is.freedom,.taste.and.see
Hear.the.call,.“Come.to.Me.”
Run.into.His.arms.of.grace
Your.burdened.carried,.He.will.take
Bring.Him.all.thy.burdens,.........All.thy.guilt...and.sin,.
Mercy’s.door.is.open,.........Rise.up..and.enter.in.
Jesus.there.is.waiting,.........Patiently....for.thee,.
Hear.Him.gently.calling,.....“Come,.oh,...come.to.Me.”
“Come,.oh,...come.to.Me.”
“Come,.oh,...come.to.Me.”
I pray that we know, that the nations know of this love and this calling from Jesus.
Philippians 2:9:10-11 says “that at the name of Jesus EVERY knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and EVERY tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”
